Oh *bleepin* Cano: Stanks sweep Sox

New York 5, Sox 0
WP: Wang (16-6)
LP: Schilling (8-6)
HRs: NYY-Cano, 2 (16)

SUMMARY
The punchless Sox closed out this horrible series in the Bronx with a limp performance in another demoralizing loss. For the second game in a row Boston did not register a hit through the first five innings, and little Robbie Cano provided all the offense New York would need with a pair of solo home runs off Curt Schilling.

#1 STUNNER Cano 2-3, 2R, 2BI, 2HR
The solid second sacker led off the third & fifth innings with near-identical opposite field homers to left center, the first one popping off the top of the wall and the second landing just a few feet further, but each one packed the punch of a blow from Chuck Liddell.

PAN's FAUN the whole Boston ballclub
You can't lay the blame for this putrid performance on just one player--every member of the team had a hand in producing (another) one of the most embarrassing series in Sox/Stanks history.

RECAP
Remember when I stated earlier that things could most definitely get worse for the Sox in this series finale?

Guess what?

They most certainly did.

In a three game series that eerily parallelled the infamous five-game Boston Massacre II of last August, the Red Sox rolled over like Mike Vick's cousin and played three terrible, uninspiring, unemotional baseball games and in the process invited every bit of incisive scrutiny that is sure to come their way in the coming weeks.

That's what happens when a team that had just scored a record amount of runs in a four game series comes into New York for a potential put-away series with the reeling Stanks, manages just 3 runs and 13 hits in three games, and sees all three of its best starting pitchers get tooled by the much-maligned New York staff.

The only real differences between 2006's weekend to forget and this year's mid-week meltdown is the amount of games, both series length (5-3) and in the standings.

In '06 Boston led New York by 3 1/2 games going into that series, then saw that advantage morph into a 1 1/2 game deficit when the dust settled around the Commonwealth.

But this year the Sox sat on an eight-game bulge entering this one, and the short series ensured there would be no changes atop the AL East leader board when it was over, sweep or no.

We'll call it the Mini Massacre, 2007.

An overcast day in the Apple mirrored Boston's play and the mood of its Nation as the players took the field for the first midweek non-holiday day game in the Rivalry since ...(are you ready for it?)...the Bucky Dent Game, Oct 2nd of 1978.

You can thank Michael bleepin Kay for that tasty nugget.

The sweep was nearly a foregone conclusion when the pitching matchups were announced: Boston would send its battle-scarred soldier Curt Schilling, still recovering from a shoulder injury he may never shake, out to compete with the cornerstone of the next generation New York pitching staff, Chien Ming Wang.

Although Schill (7IP, 6H, 2ER, 1BB, 4K, 2HR) certainly pitched admirably, holding the potent New York lineup at bay save for one pesky second baseman, in a game like this, with a big series and personal & team pride on the line, allowing a pair of home runs to a light-hitting middle infielder just isn't gonna cut it.

He almost needed to, say, hold the other team hitless for like six innings, like he did in Oakland so many moons ago and the last two Stankee starters would do in consecutive games.

That's right after racking up 52 hits in four games against the White Sox, or roughly 1 /1/2 hits per inning, Boston batters were held hitless in the fist six frames of each of the last two games, and only managed to record a hit in 10 of the 36 innings played in the series.

Never led. Tied twice. Trailed in 33 of 36 innings.

Much like the last two games the way this one started out had all the earmarks of another heartbreaker.

While Wang (7IP, 1H, 4BB, 5K) set Boston down in order in the first including Papi swinging at strike three to end it, Derek Jeter (4-4, R) signaled the call to arms when he muscled a one-out single to center field in the bottom of the inning.

Schill would get out of the inning by striking out Bobby Abreu and A-Rod, but when Jason Giambi prevented a couple of runners from getting on base by channelling J.T Snow in the second, the proceedings quickly took an ominous turn.

Youk, batting in Manny's four spot, led off the inning with a walk, bringing up Boston's most consistent, clutch hitter this season, Mike Lowell.

But Wang got Mike to ground out sharply to Rodriguez, who flipped to Cano to get Youk at second, then Cano flipped to first to try and turn the twin killing.

Cano's throw went wide of the bag but Giambi laid his body prone to the ground while keeping his foot touching first base and managed to stretch for the out, bringing a rousing ovation from the crowd and gushing praise for Michael someone please hit me in the face with a shovel Kay:

"Jason Giambi, all leather and grace these last two days...his glove is a many splendid thing"

Take that however you will.

Three pitches later Boston's whipping boy J.D. Drew grounded to short, and this time Jete's throw sailed wide right of first, so Giambi snagged it out of midair and applied a swipe tag to Drew as he ran by.

I guess getting let off the hook by Bud Selig after admitting he used 'roids has got him playing like a kid again.

Wang worked around a leadoff walk to Tek in the third, but in the bottom of the inning Schilling would make the first of his two mistakes to Cano on the day, as he hit the first pitch he saw from Schilling off the top of the outfield wall for the first run of the game and the first nail in the Red Sox coffin.

Melky Cabrera and Jeter followed with singles in the inning but Schilling held the fort, and while Boston kept getting men on base via the walk they couldn't get any kind of rally going against the stingy Wang.

In the fifth inning Cano repeated his performance from the third, this time taking Schill's third offering and planting it over the wall in nearly the same exact spot as the first one, and even though the score was only 2-0 in the 5th, it might as well have been 200-0 the way Boston was playing in this one.

A wacky seventh inning brought Boston its first hit of the game but also symbolized the three days of frustration that team has suffered through this week.

Youkilis (0-1, 3BB) led off the inning with a grounder to Jeter who again threw wide right of first, but this time Giambi couldn't make the tag as Youk ducked under his glove, and when Lowell followed with a single to right the Sox had their first real threat of the day and a chance to salvage a game.

Either that or they could fold quicker than a Tarantino double feature and implode faster than the Kingdome.

Drew, who has really taken the J.D. Boo thing to a ho nuva level with his pitiful performance in this series, steeped in against Wang and on a 2-2 count hit a sharp grounder to A-Rod, who fumbled for a moment, lunged for Youk as he ran by and then fired to first to get Drew.

After initially calling Youk safe despite a healthy swerve to avoid old Blue Lips' tag, Torre came out and got the blue shirts to converge and discuss whether or not Youkilis had run out of the baseline during his second dodging move of the inning.

No sooner did I turn to my son and say they're gonna rule him out and Tito is going to come out and get ejected did the ump give the close fisted 'out' signal, Tito ran out on the field, and after a few minutes of warming up, got tossed amid a flurry of "F"-bombs.

Well, I said, there's no way this can get any worse, right?

C'mon, you know better than that.

Joba Chamberlain, a.k.a The Second Coming in New York, came in and pitched a scoreless eighth, although Pedroia did lace a two-out double off him, and then New York piled on the the bottom of the inning as millions of TV sets across the nation flicked off simultaneously.

Hideki Okajima, who hadn't pitched since Game 1 of last Friday's doubleheader in Chicago, got Demon (0-4) to fly out to start the frame, but then Jeter dropped his fourth hit of the day into center, setting up the final bit of embarrassment for Boston before they got out of dodge.

Abreu worked a lengthy at bat around numerous pickoff throws to first, then as jetr took off Abreu drove a double into deep center to score the Stankees' captain all the way from first to make for the ever popular insurance run, but still the worst was yet to come.

Rodrguez was intentionally walked, and with Matsui at the plate Torre got aggressive and had both runners steal. Varitek's throw handcuffed Lowell and trickled down the left field line, and as Abreu and A-Rod raced around to score, I clicked the TV off and went out to pull some weeds and beckon heat exhaustion rather than watch another second of this steaming pile of crap of a series.

Later I learned that Chamberlain indoctrinated himself into the Hall of Hate by throwing two consecutive pitches over Youk's bald dome, earning him an immediate ejection, but what did it matter?

Boston just got punked worse than any Ashton Kutcher D-lister and now must fight to keep its division lead with the entire baseball world waiting for them to cave in.

It's gonna be a long two weeks before the rematch at Fenway.