Anatomy of a Meltdown: Daniel Cabrera

Last night Baltimore starter Daniel hair trigger Cabrera had a temper tantrum a two-year old could appreciate.

Here at CBS we like to delve deep into these fits of baseball misconduct to try and find out that really happened to create such an explosive situation.

1.)Cabrera glares at Coco because he had the nerve to attempt to bunt his way on base to start the frame; "Why don't you try to homer off me like everybody else, you little piece of...."
2.) After Coco singled his way on and made it around to third base, Cabrera lost his cool as Coco danced around trying to distract the pitcher....

...and ultimately forced Cabrera into a balk that allowed Coco to scamper home gleefully

3.) His blatant foolishness and complete misunderstanding of baseball etiquette then drove Cabrera into a blind rage, when he decided to punish the next man who dared try to reach base on him......who just happened to be 5' 9" (cough!) Dustin Pedroia, the smallest member of the Sox. Did I mention Cabrera is 6' 7" and throws 100 mph?

4.) Even the ump took issue with Cabrera's bush league tactics, telling him "that was a chickenshit thing to do, pal, and if you do it again you won't be able to play in AAU ball!"
5.) This admonishment caused Cabrera, who had not be subjected to that kind of public humiliation since his mom pointed out that he had pissed his pants at the grammar school playground, to go all MMA on, well, no one in particular

6.) The classless clown even tried to pull the tired old "let me at him/hold me back" shtick, using teammate Melvin Mora as a human barricade

7.) Only after the entire Boston ballclub entered the fray and threatened to expose Cabrera as a thumbsucking bedwetter and then string him up on the Cask-n-Flagon sign by his extra large Underoos...

...did the Dominican decide to exit the premises and seek the help of a guidance counselor at the local middle school to help him control his anger


The end.