Stanks outslug Sox in sloppy game in the Bronx

New York 15, Sox 9
WP: Hawkins (1-0)
LP: Tavarez (0-1)
SV: Bruney (1)
HRs: BOS-None; NYY- Abreu (2), A-Rod (4)

This screenshot says all you need to know about the game

SUMMARY:
Another day, another interminable, near unwatchable Sox/Stanks slugfest, this one featuring 24 runs, 30 hits, 9 pitchers and 341 pitches, all contained in a tidy 4 hours and 8 minutes. The Stankees had 4 innings in which they scored at least 3 runs, or once more than they had done it all season prior to tonight.

Ug-ly.

Superstar: Georgie Posada 2-5, 2-2Bs, 2R, 3BI
He might be too sore to catch, but he can still hit, and he burned the Sox twice tonight. His first double in the 5th brought the Stanks back to within one run at 8-7, and his second double provided plenty of insurance, plating 2 in the 8th to push the NY lead from 11-9 to 13-9.

The Biggest Loser: take your pick-

• Clay Buchholz - gave up back-to-back homers in the 1st inning, and that wasn't the worst part of his night. By the time he was finished he had been charged with 8 hits and 7 earned runs in 3 2/3 innings, and miraculously he didn't take the loss


• Chien Ming Wang - fresh on the heels of his 2-hit gem last Friday, Wang was gonged to the tune of 8 runs and 9 hits in 4 innings, and he didn't take the loss


• Julian Tavarez - was handed a 2-run lead after the Sox rallied for 6 runs in the 5th, only to revert back to the Julie of old by allowing 4 runs and 3 hits in an inning and a third; he did take the loss


• Mike Timlin - made sure Boston could not stage another 9th inning comeback when he surrendered 4 runs on 3 hits and 2 walks in the 8th. His ERA is now a Fisk-like 27.00.

The list could go on and on, but I guess I'll stop there.

RECAP:
How do you summarize a game like this? I mean without using 4,000 words and 3/4 of them being curses?

I actually missed the first 3 innings because I was at my son's Little League game, which his team won 12-6; by the time I got in the score was 4-3 Stanks, and little did I know the teams were just getting warmed up, or that my son's game would actually be the more entertaining, better played contest I would see this evening.

You've heard of that genre of movies called 'horror porn'? Well the Rivalry has turned into horsehide horror porn, full of disgusting, over-the-top images that make the viewer want to turn their head, only you can't because you are mesmerized by the sickening sights you are seeing in front of you.

Except these major league gross-outs are about 3 times longer than any of the installments of 'Saw' or 'Hostel'.

I can't find the right words to describe what happened, so I'll revert back to an old lazy blogger trick and let the numbers (and bullet points) do the talking:

• The teams combined for 30 hits (Bos-14, NY-16), and 10 players had at least 2 hits apiece


• 17 players scored at least one of the 24 runs with 7 scoring a pair of runs


• 14 batters drove in at least 1 run, and 7 knocked in at least 2 runs


• Boston trailed 3-1 after one inning, tied it at 3 in the 4th, surrendered 4 in the bottom of the 4th to fall behind 7-3, then exploded for 6 in the 5th to take a 9-7 lead


• Not to be outdone, New York countered that 6-spot with 4 of their own in the bottom of the 5th to take an 11-9 lead, then tacked on another 4-run inning to blow the doors off


• Out of the 30 hits, only 10 went for extra bases, and Boston scored all 9 runs without the benefit of a home run


• Jacoby Ellsbury (0-5) was the only starter on either side not to record a hit

It was one of those games that after its over, you can't really remember exactly what happened and when it happened. It comes back to you in bits and pieces, like a bloop single here and an RBI double there, a big hit by Jeter here and a monumental error by Julio Lugo there...

You know, just like the scenes in a horror porn flick. You can't remember exactly what point in the movie the guy got his larynx sliced open with a rusty butcher knife, but you recall it happening at some point in the picture.

Basically that's all I've got to say about this one. I've already snapped at the wife and berated the dog, so now I'm gonna go play a violent video game on the 360 and take some of my frustrations out on a horde of unrelenting alien attackers.

Maybe then I'll rent Turistas and try and forget about this game.