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Today the members Boston Red Sox organization will enjoy their first day off since Monday, April 28th.
Plenty of rest, recharging and refocusing should be in order for the players, but these being men, and well, ballplayers, one can only imagine the kind of activities they could be indulging in on their first day back home in 10 days.
Yup, one can only imagine...(cue wavy camera effect and cheesy harp music)
-Manny Ramirez spent the day climbing the walls of his condo, which he had specially coated with outfield wall foam, and practiced high-fiving a paper hand he taped on about 8 feet up.
-Hideki Okajima stayed inside and kept the blinds drawn with his cell off and watched the History Channel in HD all day.
-Jacoby Ellsbury stole three donuts, a Powerade, two packs of mints and a Hustler when he was at Store 2-4. Because he can. You know, because no one can catch him? Ah fuck it.
-Julio Lugo stumbled around the Hub and bumped his head on anything he could find to ensure his concussion stays fresh. That way he'll have an alibi for his shitty play for the rest of the season
-Kevin Youkilis had his goat trimmed and combed, stared at his Player of the Week award for 45 minutes, then he hit seven different bars in two hours, just to see if he could break his own record.
-Jonathan Papelbon worked out for a few hours, flexed in front of the mirror with his game face on for 45 minutes, then met Youk at three of his last stops.
-JD Drew had his wrist examined, his back checked, his quads stretched and his manhood questioned when he went to see Baby Mama by himself.
-Daisuke Matsuzaka gave 14 interviews to Japanese television, and almost every one of them started with the question "so is Darvish really better than you?"
-Mike Timlin met with a Dr Fronkenshtein to see about getting that dead arm replaced.
-Kevin Cash worked on catching the knuckler by fielding off a pitching machine. He got hit in the nuts 46 times and will be placed on the DL tomorrow.
-Mike Lowell chilled poolside clad in a Tommy Bahama shirt, unbuttoned and untucked, and tilted brim hat with a martini in one hand and a bathing beauty on the other. (What, how else do you picture a guy who looks like a cross between George Clooney and Clark Gable spending his off day?)
-David Ortiz spent 1/2 the day getting his knee worked on and the other half getting his Lil Papi straightened out
-Dustin Pedroia went to the doctor to get his shoulder checked, as he does every off day to make sure it is still in its socket after all his Little Big Man swings.
-Craig Hansen answered every phone call and knock on the door with a nervous, shaky "hello?"
-Ditto Clay Buchholz
-Coco Crisp spent most of the day enclosed in his homemade altar, plunging long needles into a doll that bore a striking resemblance to an American Indian.
-Jon Lester kicked back at the crib playing XBOX 360, mumbling to himself "these guys think a 10 game road trip is tough. They have no freaking idea what tough is, those frigging pantywaists. Well, except Mikey. He knows."
-Jason Varitek helped an old lady cross the street, rescued a cat from a tree, mentored a fatherless child and then caught Ellsbury as he was exiting the Store 2-4.
-Jonathan Van Every wandered around the city checking out the sights, enjoying his his cup of coffee in the bigs, and after relentless pages and messages, met up with Youk and Paps for last call.
-And Tito came back home after an agonizing couple of days mourning the loss of his mother in law, scratching his dome and thinking over and over 'how the fuck can we be trailing the...the Devil Rays, Sun Rays, whatever the fuck that team down there in Tampa is called?!"
Well, I hope they all enjoyed their day off.
Now it's time to go back to work and start another winning streak.
Plenty of rest, recharging and refocusing should be in order for the players, but these being men, and well, ballplayers, one can only imagine the kind of activities they could be indulging in on their first day back home in 10 days.
Yup, one can only imagine...(cue wavy camera effect and cheesy harp music)
-Manny Ramirez spent the day climbing the walls of his condo, which he had specially coated with outfield wall foam, and practiced high-fiving a paper hand he taped on about 8 feet up.
-Hideki Okajima stayed inside and kept the blinds drawn with his cell off and watched the History Channel in HD all day.
-Jacoby Ellsbury stole three donuts, a Powerade, two packs of mints and a Hustler when he was at Store 2-4. Because he can. You know, because no one can catch him? Ah fuck it.
-Julio Lugo stumbled around the Hub and bumped his head on anything he could find to ensure his concussion stays fresh. That way he'll have an alibi for his shitty play for the rest of the season
-Kevin Youkilis had his goat trimmed and combed, stared at his Player of the Week award for 45 minutes, then he hit seven different bars in two hours, just to see if he could break his own record.
-Jonathan Papelbon worked out for a few hours, flexed in front of the mirror with his game face on for 45 minutes, then met Youk at three of his last stops.
-JD Drew had his wrist examined, his back checked, his quads stretched and his manhood questioned when he went to see Baby Mama by himself.
-Daisuke Matsuzaka gave 14 interviews to Japanese television, and almost every one of them started with the question "so is Darvish really better than you?"
-Mike Timlin met with a Dr Fronkenshtein to see about getting that dead arm replaced.
-Kevin Cash worked on catching the knuckler by fielding off a pitching machine. He got hit in the nuts 46 times and will be placed on the DL tomorrow.
-Mike Lowell chilled poolside clad in a Tommy Bahama shirt, unbuttoned and untucked, and tilted brim hat with a martini in one hand and a bathing beauty on the other. (What, how else do you picture a guy who looks like a cross between George Clooney and Clark Gable spending his off day?)
-David Ortiz spent 1/2 the day getting his knee worked on and the other half getting his Lil Papi straightened out
-Dustin Pedroia went to the doctor to get his shoulder checked, as he does every off day to make sure it is still in its socket after all his Little Big Man swings.
-Craig Hansen answered every phone call and knock on the door with a nervous, shaky "hello?"
-Ditto Clay Buchholz
-Coco Crisp spent most of the day enclosed in his homemade altar, plunging long needles into a doll that bore a striking resemblance to an American Indian.
-Jon Lester kicked back at the crib playing XBOX 360, mumbling to himself "these guys think a 10 game road trip is tough. They have no freaking idea what tough is, those frigging pantywaists. Well, except Mikey. He knows."
-Jason Varitek helped an old lady cross the street, rescued a cat from a tree, mentored a fatherless child and then caught Ellsbury as he was exiting the Store 2-4.
-Jonathan Van Every wandered around the city checking out the sights, enjoying his his cup of coffee in the bigs, and after relentless pages and messages, met up with Youk and Paps for last call.
-And Tito came back home after an agonizing couple of days mourning the loss of his mother in law, scratching his dome and thinking over and over 'how the fuck can we be trailing the...the Devil Rays, Sun Rays, whatever the fuck that team down there in Tampa is called?!"
Well, I hope they all enjoyed their day off.
Now it's time to go back to work and start another winning streak.
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